Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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