new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
