I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
