Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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