Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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