it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
