My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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