He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
