perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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