I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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