you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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