she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
