He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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