I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this boner is exhausting
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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