no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
