Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
