If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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