: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
