did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
