Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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