I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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