I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
