My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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