dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
