Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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