Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
