I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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