I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
