Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
