i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
