addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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