she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
