I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
