forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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