THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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