Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
