There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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