A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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