when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
