Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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