You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
