WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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