remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
