Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
