that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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