Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
