Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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