If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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