Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
