It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
