so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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