They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
