The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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