But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
