and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
