Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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